It’s BAAAAAAAAAACK! Dear So and So!
I’m back. It’s back. THERAPY! How I have missed you! And Kat too! I’ve missed you Kat. We should chat sometime again. If I could ever NOT be busy again!
You have no idea how good this is for the soul… so click that pretty little picture and pour your heart out! Ready! OK!
DEAR. MONEY:
I don’t understand why we need you! I mean I do. But I don’t. You just come into my bank account and get sucked RIGHT. BACK. OUT. (stupid bills… watch out… you’re next!) Stop disappearing already! I need you to complete my plans of WORLD DOMINATION paying all the bills.
Thanks. Lisa (PS, if you think you’d like to help with this… I’m not going to bleg here, but you see that cute little Etsy store down there? Yeah. If you were to maybe stop there and, I don’t know, PURCHASE something… well, that would help…. OK…thanks…bye)
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Dear Bills (I told you to watch out):
Every damn day the mailman comes and brings me more of you. Don’t you think I have enough already? I mean you keep SUCKING THE LIFE right OUTTA ME! Just when we think we have it all under control, you come along and SUCK more from us! How dare you……………
I’m not thanking you. Lisa (PS… if you think you’d like to help with this, again…not blegging…. read above PS okthanksbye)
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Dear MOM (no, not Milk of Magnesia):
Now I know why I don’t know how to manage money. I learned from you. You cannot manage money. Here’s a tip, Ma… if it’s under $1000 and you have to buy it on credit… you CAN’T. AFFORD. IT. That stupid Bose CD player you bought for $500? Hate to tell you this… you can buy a pretty decent stereo at Target or Best Buy for around $100. Yes, Mom, really. And the steam cleaner you bought? I have one. In YOUR garage! Why spend $300 on something you already have available to you….and you haven’t even used it. I just don’t understand. It makes me want to CRY! If we get moved in together…. some things are going to have to change. Ok? OK!
Your darling daughter, Lisa
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Dear Ben and Jerry’s:
Seriously? You’re one of the most liberal companies in the world. All of us know that. You’re a bunch of hippies. We love your ice cream. I’m a personal fan of your waffle cone flavor, Cherry Garcia, Phish Food, and when I’m in the mood for complete decadence, Half-Baked. We all know you support gay marriage. I’m not attacking that. Really. But HubbyHubby? Could you have come up with a better name? And now, are you going to be coming out with a WifeyWifey? You gotta keep it balanced, you know? But aside from that… changing the name… Seriously messed with my life this week. I felt the need to counter a lot of negativity thrown out into the internets especially the Twitterverse. Mostly by Christians, and being that I am a Christian, it made me angry that they were speaking so negatively and being so close-minded. It sucked. And therefore, you suck.
A consumer, Lisa
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Dear Consumers of Ben and Jerry’s that are pissed off about HubbyHubby:
It’s ice cream. You aren’t supporting gay marriage by buying it. You’re not doing anything other than eating ice cream. You’re not betraying Jesus. Do you think he cares what ice cream is named or if you buy it? Really? Do you think that’s what he concerns himself with? Not lost people. Not our personal souls…. ice cream. That’s what it’s all about. I remember the commandment: Thou shalt not eat Ben and Jerry’s because they support gay marriage. Oh wait, no I don’t. ‘Cuz it’s ICE. CREAM. You might as well spin your own wool, tan your own leather, grow all your food, and raise your own cattle, because that is the ONLY way that you won’t be buying into a liberal company. Why don’t you spend some of that energy fighting things like:
The Bible says to be IN the world and not OF the world. Buying ice cream doesn’t make you OF the world. It just means that peanut butter filled pretzels in ice cream is GOOOD. Being IN the world means that you are going to have to witness things and tolerate things that you don’t agree with. I think there are worthier things to disagree with than gay marriage (see above). Things that don’t revolve around judgemnt.
So….. GET. OVER. IT. It’s just ice cream.
K, thanks bye.
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Dear Cancer:
SUCKIT!
Your noninfected victim, Lisa.
That’s all for now. I don’t have the energy to write any more. Go to Kat’s. Link up. Join in the fun!
http://tinyurl.com/jesuslovesyouthisiknow
Hi, Lisa. Have you had an opportunity to read through what I emailed? Would like to hear your thoughts. (Either on here or email me.)
Amanda
Um… yeah – you need to show me how to do all this stuff next week. I love the dear so and so thing.
And remember… the newly renamed ice cream’s peanut butter filled pretzels are covered in fudge, too. Oh how I miss Sunday nights from High School with my mom and me doing facial masks, watching X-Files (the TV show – when new episodes were still on… oh I just aged myself), and eating a whole carton of this ice cream under it’s former name. Just us with green faces, spoons, and the carton. Fantastic!